waiting for autumn..

i am shit scared of heights..

i am shit scared of closed spaces..

put them together, and you'd automatically think i'm shit scared of riding in elevators.

NO.

i live for elevator moments.. ;p just like this one:


i love elevator moments. i love having elevator moments. <3 *sigh*

i love (500) days of summer. it is now my new obsession. ;p the ending left me looking at my screen thinking 'WTF?!'. i was partially in pain, and then i began to realize it all made sense. i'll probably watch it again. and again. and again. :D

my ugly truth.. :(

two is better than one - boys like girls featuring taylor swift

i remember what you wore on the first day
you came into my life
& i thought hey, you know this could be something
cause everything you do & words you say
you know that it all takes my breath away
& i am left with nothing

so maybe it's true
that i can't live without you
maybe two is better than one
there's so much time
to figure out the rest of my life
& you've already got me coming undone
i'm thinking two is better than one

i remember every look upon your face
the way you roll your eyes
the way you taste
you make it hard for breathing
cause when i close my eyes and drift away
i think of you & everything's okay
i'm finally now believing

then maybe it's true
that i can't live without you
maybe two is better than one
there's so much time
to figure out the rest of my life
& you've already got me coming undone
i'm thinking two is better than one
(oh yeah)
i remember what you wore on the first day
you came into my life
& i thought hey

maybe it's true
that i can't live without you
maybe two is better than one
there's so much time
to figure out the rest of my life
& you've already got me coming undone
& i'm thinking
that i can't live without you
cause maybe two is better than one
but there's so much time
to figure out the rest of my life
but i've figured out
when all is said and done
two is better than one
two is better than one.

my silver lining..

last of the long weekends.. but, this is the only long weekend i spent mostly at home. i've been sick for a couple of weeks, and not having enough time to rest, well, took its toll on me and i never got better.. still kinda sick till now. i've a lot of things on my mind, i want to keep this entry short (or at least attempt to keep it short. i type.. and go on and on.. you get the idea.)

it's already nearing the end of september, the first of the BER months. as i was going through my old metrobank stuff here at home, i found a christmas decor which i always put on display as early as september 1. yeah, i know, i'm excited. but i was so depressed back then, i was always looking forward to something else other than work just so i can get by, one day at a time. i even got a couple of those holiday gift cards with the words "happy holidays!" or "maligayang pasko!" and taped them on my monitor, so that if things got toxic, i'd be taken to a happy place just by looking at something christmas-y. it worked. for most of the time.

guess what? i've yet to put anything christmas-y in my workstation. then it hit me. i'm not depressed anymore. thank you. :) christmas is coming a bit late to me this year, but it's all gonna be just fine. ;p

then..

i loved how he would order cheese pizza just for me..

light up my sky. ;p

**WARNING: before reading, i suggest you hold onto something, anything. kumapit ka.**

.

don’t tell me i didn’t warn you.. ok, ready?

.

my wedding phase mode is ON. ;p

.

ok, imma give you time to recover.. good? :)

.

so, i have a wedding phase. how ironic considering my love life is somewhat, err, dormant. but still, i love weddings! when i was a teenager, i hated weddings, having to dress up, with over the top hair and being overly made up. ugh. in my early twenties [omg, i did just type that right? early twenties. what a rude reality check. so i think my QLC mode is ON too.] , i still hated weddings for that one single event in the reception: the bouquet toss. but now, i've come to realize that the bouquet toss is not the event, its only a part of the main thing. plus, i've managed somehow, to skip almost every bouquet toss at every reception i've ever attended, sometimes intentionally. i'm not the girl who boxes out other girls for that bouquet. haha! i know it is tradition, and it is the couple's day, but i just don't want to participate in something i don't believe in. i gotta give credit though to couples who change it up a bit. my cousin did her bouquet toss using text messages. i just think that the bouquet toss is sort of discriminatory to single girls. [defensive much?!] i know it's supposed to be done for fun but i keep thinking if i was the unlucky one, i'd have huge reality checks all up in my face. not good for me, reality checks keep me up at night for weeks. i'm thinking of alternatives to this part of the reception.. maybe instead of single girls & guys participating in the bouquet and garter toss, why don't unmarried couples participate instead? ooohh.. pressure! hahaha!

so anyway, this entry isn't about the bouquet toss, i just found myself typing away. i recently attended my blockmate's wedding, prijm & karla's wedding. [congratulations dude!] i definitely envy their wedding date, august 8. i even asked prijm if i could copy that wedding date IF and WHEN. [really huge IF and WHEN. haha!] it was an awesome wedding! and here i am, contemplating the after effects..

as much as i love weddings, sometimes i dread it because it triggers love life issues into overdrive. as expected, a wave of uncertainties came upon me that same night. there is really nothing much i can do about where i am right now, haha, so i cope up with these things the only way i know how, by drowning myself more in it. my sort of sadistic tendencies take over. if i am heart broken, i listen to songs that would break my heart even more. if the green archers [yeah, i really just had to include them.haha!] lost by not making a valiant attempt to play the game, i still watch the replay. i don't avoid pain. i let it sink in. so.. i listened to wedding songs. :) as my luck would have it, richard poon just released a single entitled you and i. i loved it. and i love richard poon. *swoon*

you and i - richard poon

you and i have travelled far together
we've pursued our little star together
we are happy as we are together
we may never get to heaven
but it's heaven, at least to try

you and i are going on together
till the time we have is gone together
watch the evening drawing on together
growing older, growing closer
making memories that light the sky
that only time can make
that only love can make
that only we can make
you and i

you and i are going on together
till the time we have is gone together
watch the evening drawing on together
growing older, growing closer
making memories that light the sky
that only time can make
that only love can make
that only we can make
you and i

**credits to PixeleyesMedia for the video, i do not own the video, i just love it enough to want to share it. :) lyrics are not mine either, haha, check google.**

[i have been blabbering away.. i know.] i really love this song! i spent the entire day listening to it. on a technical note, the video is really good, very vivid and a must watch on HD. gahd. i love it. it's official. my wedding phase mode is ON. :P

shot straight through the heart >>--->

i am in love with the team everyone loves to hate. the more you hate them, the more i love them. yeah, i am generalizing a bit, i'm sure not everyone loves to hate the Green Archers, but, well, you get the idea. i am sleep deprived, i have yet to blog about the ADMU vs DLSU game last Sunday but that line is pretty much stuck in my head. still and always, always and forever, i bleed green. Keep the faith, ANIMO LA SALLE! >>--->

RIP Tita Cory.

as usual, i have the download speed of a dial-up connection when it comes to these things. i still don't know how much i am affected by her death, but i cried when her daughter kris broke down on national television. my mom would often remind me that during the edsa revolution, she and my dad were there. separately. and neither one of them knew that the other one was there too. if edsa had been bombed that day, i would've been an orphan. apparently, the pilot who had direct orders couldn't do it because looking down, he saw a cross. thank God for people power and that didn't happen.

being a scholastican, i think tita cory is ora et labora personified. pray and work. a woman with strong faith who served the Filipino people.

RIP Tita Cory. Filipinos are forever grateful for your gift of democracy. I admire you for your courage, your kindness and most especially your faith. I am sure you are happy now with your husband, Ninoy. Thank you to you both.

lara spencer apparently knows how to wear pants.

i know right?!?!

i am not a regular viewer of the insider, but i get to watch it at least once a week. the segment i hate the most is lara spencer's look for less. given, i am a girl, i should love clothes and shoes, and i do, but this segment just makes me cringe. she always wears the same thing! tight fitting above the knee dress. lo and behold, when i tuned it to the insider now, lara spencer was wearing a long sleeved polo, a vest.. and get this PANTS! i know, it's so shallow, but i just can't get over this pet peeve of mine. i can't find a picture on google but here's a link to her "wardrobe cam." now i'm figuring, am i supposed to like her now, since she's changing her wardrobe? hmmm..

you're the new classic. >>--->

it turned out to be another intense, heart stopping basketball game. 8.2.09, DLSU vs UST, first round UAAP Season 72. 2 OTs and DLSU def. UST, 101-92. hell yes. i now want to watch every DLSU vs UST game. classic.

got our best lower box seats to date. this is so frustrating considering scoring tickets for the DLSU vs ADMU game is such a challenge. ugh. it's all a money making strategy. grr.

post game comments:
*any statistics that appear here are not my own, meaning i did not take down every point a player got, haha. credits to greenarchers.ph and/or inbound pass.*

• arvie bringas is showing his potential. he scored 21 points, his career high (he has only played, what, 6 games in the UAAP.. LOL). he is still recovering from a groin injury. this kid truly belonged to the animo squad. i loved it when he dived for the ball and landed into an area full of photographers. (i sat there thinking, omg, the cameras! the lenses!) and the way he holds onto the ball everytime he rebounds, as if he is never letting it go. that is pure heart.
• bader malabes has been highly criticized these past few days. i admit, i have started to think negatively of him. but watching him live, i really felt for him. there were times when he drove to the basket only to pass it to a teammate. in this game, he committed no errors, scored 10 points and made 7 assists. it was a good game for him, BUT i saw hesitation in his eyes a few times. i hope he continues to play an error-free game, but of course, he's only human. i just hope he gets better at playing the game. i'm keeping the faith for bader.
• i remember when ust was leading by 3 points in the dying seconds of the first overtime. surely, a three pointer would be the only option. la salle has no hot three point shooter. they can shoot, they just can't hit it. when pj barua entered the game, it was like hoping against all odds. they were obviously aiming for a three. Lord, please let them be hot. basketball seconds are the longest seconds ever, and the play was executed well, leaving pj open for a three. and he hit it. YEAH!
  
• the team has no star players. yet. but they work AS A TEAM. 5 players hitting double digits: Bringas 21, Mangahas 18, Co 13, Webb 10, Malabes 10.
• the boys are fighting now. thank you very much.

still, game related comments:

• i think coach franz has a lucky shirt. :p haha!
• that game was so good, even those seated at the patron section, known as the zombie section, were up on their feet.
• it's been a while since i've watched a game live and la salle actually won. i've forgotten the feeling. haha!
• booooooooooooo for the sportscasters. good thing i watched live. but then i also watched the replay and i wanted to put it on mute. my BP was rising.
• la revilla is included in every huddle. holding the white board. i look at him and see a kid. he has really lost a lot of weight. i hope he gets better in controlling his condition that he is able to play basketball again in the future.
  

the win was such a morale booster for the archers and just in time for the game against ateneo. the tables are turned (it is a case of classic school rivalry) but the pressure is on ateneo this time, being defending champs. watching this game will probably be hazardous to my health, (haha, ok i'm exaggerating) but i'm still going to watch, do or die. (i'm off limits to fatty foods starting friday. haha!) keep the faith!

animo ablaze. >>--->

it was la salle's second game for the first round of uaap season 72. i watched the game for the first time live this season, and effortlessly got lower box seats. i had wanted, badly, to watch a game live (i'd watch every game, if i could) : one - to actually see them play, two - to cheer my heart out, and three - to see if they wanted it bad enough, and if any of them had heart. you gotta have heart to play the game, as seen most recently in king archer jv casio. the team, is a very young team. no star players, no go-to guys. it is a team made up of those who have experienced redemption *season 70* and defeat *season 71*. plus a bunch of rookies who have yet to prove themselves. la salle's game vs ue was very painful to watch on tv. (not only that, hearing boom gonzales is driving me nuts. please, for the love of basketball, don't let him cover la salle games. or better yet, get another sportscaster!!!) i would've expected the veterans to take the crucial shots, but they only ended up choking. talk about first day jitters. i'd expect that from the rookies, but not not the veterans, who have had more nerve racking games than this one. it served as a reality check, that the possibility of earning a spot in the final four is very very slim. of course, this can't be concluded with just a result of a single game, a poorly played game at that, but then all you have to do is hope for the best and expect the worst.

today's game, is still another loss. la salle's standing is at 0-2, same as up's. apparently, la salle has never started with a 0-2 standing for the past 23 years. at the score of 65-51, it seemed that the archers are struggling to even hit the 50 point mark. why all this negativity, you might ask? it's just that in knowing all these, knowing the worst possible outcome, i am keeping the faith.. still. always. no matter what.

this loss has been bearable because i have seen the animo ablaze in the archers. the rookies seemed to have more heart in them. and other veterans are trying to step up this time. i wanted to see passion and fire and desire to play the game, but instead, i saw a spark. that will be enough for now. i can bear to watch games, even against ateneo, so long as they fight.

i am keeping the faith. i'm ready for the heartaches and the heartbreaks, no armors, just heart. the rookies have really great potential and i'm hoping that in 2-3 years, la salle will have its dream team (and simon atkins as team captain. hehe. ;p fearless forecast?!). ANIMO LA SALLE! >>--->

..because i have a lot on my mind..

to say that i’ve been riding on an emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks is an understatement. as a result of such, i have been experiencing a lot of physical pain recently, severe neck pain, a decrease in my blood pressure when it should’ve been high (yeah, you read it right, i’m complaining i don’t have high BP.. haha!) and worst of all, heart palpitations topped with migraine. i don’t know how i managed to get some sleep last july 6, i was almost waiting for someone to take my brain and my heart out. i have been going through so much emotional warfare, and keeping everything bottled up, that finally, my body couldn’t take it. either that, or i’m getting old (and not exercising. haha.) if i had blogged about it, maybe i would’ve *suffered* less. sleeping late isn’t helping either, and yeah, i really am stubborn. i’m ok now, palpitations are gone, thank God. so let the blogging begin. where to start..

true love waits. :)

like i said, it’s an emotional roller coaster, so let me start with the highs. when i wanted to buy a new phone, i surfed the net, and posted here that i fell in love with the SE G900. so i figured, i wanted to get a DSLR for the longest time, might as well post my dream model here in hopes of eventually getting it. haven’t had time to blog lately, so i skipped that entire part and already bought one. i have a new baby and his name is Bruno. :) yep, i named him after a commercial model, haha. i call him B. when i first saw the Nikon D5000, i fell in love with it. and the first time i was able to hold one, it felt like we were meant to be. most girls fall in love with shoes or bags or clothes, (i’m not saying that i don’t.. haha!) but i fall in love harder with gadgets. i knew i had to have him – or it. i have been discouraged from making this purchase, but then, i just had to follow my heart. meet Bruno:

now that i have him, (i'm talking about him as if he's a person and not a thing.. :p) i have much to learn. the first time i brought him with me, i even brought the manual. haha!

why did i choose the Nikon D5000? there has been a long standing question as to which brand is better or even the best, is it a canon or a nikon? you can do all the research you want to, look it up on the internet, ask people who use different brands. they say that the best camera is the one you've got. i say go out there and actually hold the unit you want. if it feels right, then go for it. that's what i did. i fell in love with it. and i actually got it. :) never settle for second best.

passing of michael jackson

michael jackson passed away last june 25, 2009 at the age of 50. found out about it through, where else, facebook. at first i thought it was a joke, but after reading through some other sites, found out it was true. yeah, he was the king of pop. but i didn’t really get why almost everyone was so affected. i wasn’t a big fan. i was thinking maybe his death really didn’t sink in to me yet. and i was right. i was late, as always, and only felt the magnitude of his death after watching his daughter paris break down with her two liner speech, “i just wanted to say, ever since i was born, daddy was the best father you could ever imagine. and i just wanted to say, i love him.. so much.” i watched that clip in the office, and i wanted to cry. i felt so bad for the kids. they turned out great. MJ was probably the best father those three kids will ever have simply because he loved them. i have been youtube-ing for videos of the kids, and find myself thinking what will happen to them. yeah, affected much, but i sincerely hope that the three kids will grow up to become beautiful testaments as to who MJ really was.. first and foremost a father. i hope they don’t separate blanket from paris and prince . those three kids really need to stick together.

checking in at the heartbreak hotel

uaap season 72 just started july 11, 2009. and so i have archer fever again. not that this fever ever goes away, but it’s on its highest alert this time of the year. ok, time for my pre-game comments:

• i have to agree with what commissioner joe lipa said about the officiating this year, (i want to find the exact quote, but i can’t.) that the game should be played by the coaches and the players, and that ‘it should never be decided with a blow of a whistle.’ amen to that! screw that no taunting rule! (i really can’t let it go.. :p)
• seeing the ateneo’s team introduction still brings up the ouch factor. man, after almost a year, it still hurts. :c
• what the freaking F? (more like, huwat da freakin' eeeefff?!?!?!) why boom? why?!?! can’t they get somebody else? and why does he always have to cover la salle games? why?! BOOOOOOO.
• uaap season 72 on HD offered by sky cable. yup, and they’re damn proud of it. just make sure your normal connections are working perfectly before bragging about HD. i can’t forget my sky cable story.
• BOOO for boom.

onto the game. dlsu vs ue. too bad we lost. 46-65. gahd. my comments:

• yey, the boys are back! but i miss jv, rico & la. heck i even miss sharon yu. haha!
• the team obviously lacked chemistry. except for si and david. *love* team of the year.
• i love the overhead panning. but not so much when they’re still on that camera and the ball is already on the other court.
• 2 pumarens on the green side. and we still lost.
• the veterans need to step up. BADLY. james had an off game. somebody needs to lead them and show the new guys what to do. keep in mind, 6 rookies.
• marata and tolentino both have potential. andrada, bulk up. i’m still waiting for bringas to bring it. welcome to collegiate basketball, boys!
• and how come nobody can shoot?! we need a shooter, a go to guy.
• as usual, what’s up with the free throws?!
• i’m hoping it’s just jitters. it’s the first game of the season. bounce back. :)

sure it’s a loss, and heartbreak hurts like hell. but with the archers, i’m willing to endure the pain. BSB said it best when they sang, ‘ain’t nothing but a heartache.. cause i want it that way.’ like i said, true love talaga. haha!

cluttered.

i have a lot on my mind, not all exactly concerning me. like the jackson kids. i can't stop thinking about them. i'll be blogging hopefully before the end of the week, almost a month's worth of thoughts, and they're all just there, cluttered in my head. gotta write them down somewhere before i lose them. my thoughts are all over the place. it's like 15% - jackson kids, 35% - green archers & our fate this season, 5% - hannah montana (i know, right?!), 5% - rolling the credits, 20% - combination of work, my daily routine, things i have to do and 20% - YOU. *did i get my math right?* i try to spend that 20% elsewhere, so i pretty much distract myself with music. it may not look or seem like it, and you may not hear or feel it, because i don't say or show it.. but *you* are the *special* one. ;)

you might want to take a bow now. it's over.

roll the credits - paula deanda

(Roll the credits)

Boy in the beginning
In the beginning it me and you
I was Bonnie, You were Clyde
We we were running
We were running for the end
We knew
(Before the credits)

But then in the middle
In the middle you went and changed the script
Took a pencil and erased my happy ending
Instead of loving you I feel so sick
(Roll the credits)

I know you directed it
I'm sure I produced a bit
So why's that chick stealing my show?

Baby, Tell me
Who is she?
I need to know her name and number
Tell me
Who does she hang out with
When you're not together
I ain't gonna do nothing crazy
I just need you to hear me
(Before the credits)

Roll the credits
And tell me
How many of your friends
You told all about it
They said "You're workin"
Last Friday night when I was calling
Did you lie to all of them, too?
Or was I just the fool?
(Well, roll the credits)

Roll the credits

You worked undercover
And gave her every single line I owned
And it doesn't make me feel any better
That you took her places we would go

I thought you were meant for me
My name should be on that screen
Tell me, why is that chick playing my roll?

Baby, Tell me
Who is she?
I need to know her name and number
Tell me
Who does she hang out with
When you're not together
I ain't gonna do nothing crazy
I just need you to hear me
(Before the credits)

Roll the credits
And tell me
How many of your friends
You told all about it
They said "You're workin"
Last Friday night when I was calling
Did you lie to all of them, too?
Or was I just the fool?
(Well, roll the credits)

Roll the credits

I know you directed it
I'm sure I produced a bit
I thought you were meant for me
My name should be on that screen
We weren't even at the end
But you started auditioning
And let somebody star in my show

Baby, Tell me
Who is she?
I need to know her name and number
Tell me
Who does she hang out with
When you're not together
I ain't gonna do nothing crazy
I just need you to hear me
(Before the credits)

Roll the credits
And tell me
How many of your friends
You told on about it
They said "You're workin"
Last Friday night when I was calling
Did you lie to all of them, too?
Or was I just the fool?
(Well, roll the credits)

Roll the credits
Roll the credits
(Roll the credits)
Roll the credits
Roll the credits

Roll the credits

one condition.

Don't Let Me Fall - Lenka

underneath the moon, underneath the stars
heres a little heart for you
up above the world, up above it all
heres a hand to hold on to

but if i should break, if i should fall away
what am i to do?
i need someone to take, a little of the weight
or ill fall through

you're just the one that i've been waiting for
i'll give you all that i have to give and more
but don't let me fall

take a little time, walk a little line
got the balance right
give a little love, gimme just enough
so that i can hang on tight

we will be alright, ill be by your side
i wont let you down
but i gotta know, no matter how things go
that you will be around

don’t let me fall

underneath the moon, underneath the stars
here’s a little heart for you
up above the world, up above it all
here’s a hand to hold on to

you'll be the one that I’ll love forever more
ill be here holding you high above it all
but don’t let me fall

checking in.

wow. first post for the month of may. i've totally forgotten about my blog, i was too busy facebooking. haha. there, another addiction.

-*-

i'd come from an out of town trip this weekend. people close to me would know i have little tolerance for physical pain, and as i grew older, i've become easily prone to all sorts of body pain. oo na, rayuma. haha! i'd gone hiking for only about an hour, which is some sort of personal achievement for me, and i should've taken some sort of pain reliever before sleeping given the type of pain i was in for the next day. i forgot the pain reliever. damn memory gap.

surprisingly, my legs didn't hurt. my knees were ok. my back wasn't aching. i was ready to go malling on a sunday.

something else hurts, and if all it took was a tablet to make it go away, i would have gladly taken it.

random ramblings

it's almost the end of april, but it doesn't feel like it. raining in the middle of summer? must be global warming. i haven't even set foot on any beach this summer, and it's already flooding in makati. haha.

-*-

i don't know if it's my sadistic side trying to come out, but i miss, in a twisted way, stress. say what?! maybe i was so used to having stress for breakfast, lunch and dinner for four and a half years that it's taking a while to get it out of my system. i am not so sure if miss is the perfect term, and i don't know what kind of stress i actually miss, or what kind of person i am to be missing stress (haha!). i still sleep late, but only because i spend way too much time on the internet. i no longer dream of my clients' account numbers or the 3270 black screen. no more sudden rude realizations about a task i had to do but forgot and have an automatic panic attack because it's a saturday and there's nothing i can really do about it until monday. ( <-- now this is funny..) i don't hear the L150 reading checks or that override request buzz in my head anymore. i am so much better off at my new work now, even if i'm only almost three months in. i am still bitter about my former job, though. it's been taking me FOREVER to call up HR. gahd. and everytime i visit the bank, i still feel a bit of tension only because i hated (more like: hated with a passion) my time (prison?) there. it just takes time, i guess. hopefully, i'll look back on my banking career and have a good laugh.. because right now, it feels like i have been scarred for life.

in freaking denial. ;p

i feel like i need some sort of emotional brake. yup, that's right, brake. pull-string-in-case-of-emergency. break-glass-in-case-of-fire. i am thankful for the long weekend because it has given me time to sllloooowww down; i was on full speed, almost crushing crashing. (lol!)

why fight the current when it's nearly impossible to swim against it? but then again, why get in the water when you know you can't swim in the first place?